Others Perspections!

When you have spent a lot of your time in wonder at how another person could have worked you out so quickly and then for that to be dashed in a single moment, is truly a lesson, and one that should definetly be learnt and noticed.

Many a time it is people's own projection that causes them to make assumptions of another. It is also others inablility to see anything else but their own point of view, to be aware that others can think, function and act differently then themsleves. At the same time that is all we have a lot of the time, is own perspection on a situation, anothers actions or communcation. Certain words or sentances can mean something completely different to another then yourself, hence why I believe it is important to ask as much as you can. It is a difficult thing to asertain whether somebodies response is the truth, however your intuition should be enough for that. Otherwise you just have to take somebody at their word and hope that their actions end up backing it up. Interaction with others is never an easy thing, but that is the adventure of it, that is what keeps us interested, that is what keeps things from becoming stagnant, it is all part of growth and that in its self is wonderous!

Tonight I had assumptions made about me, and some of them I can't argue with, however there were many that I could. I had trusted that this person would trust my words as I haven't been so openly honest with another ever, and I had hoped that particular person would realise that, as I had said it before. However how is another to know where you have come from and your previous actions, all they have to go on is who they are faced with now, and that in its self can be distorting as there is no reference point. Even though I had hoped that my actions had communicate this simple fact, obviously it hadn't been enough, or I shouldn't take this so personally as it might be something that they have to face, something that has arisen for them that is only personal to them and nothing really to do with me, as I was only the catalyst.
Evreybody makes mistakes, should they be held accountable for them, to bloody right! However should that leave a taint on the realtionship, I think not, it should be approached, spoken about and then left in the past where it belongs. If these said things happen on a regular basis that of course is a different matter to be addressed at the moment. To truly forgive means that it is forgotten, it is of no futher consequence, the lesson has left an imprint, but the teaching has been left behind.

These moments as all about learning the workings of another and those roads aren't always smooth, hardly ever smooth if truth be told. There are twist, turns, bumps and sometimes huge pitfalls. Then what happens? We pick ourselves up and dust ourselves down, and think whether this is worth the brusies, and hopefully it is, and if not then we just turn in the other direction and thank that road for all the strength that it has given us and move on with the imprints. This is what shapes us.

Challenges, Questions & Decisions

Decision:
The passing of judgment on an issue under consideration.
The act of reaching a conclusion or making up one's mind.
A conclusion or judgment reached or pronounced; a verdict.
Firmness of character or action; determination.

Challenge:

A call to engage in a contest, fight, or competition: a challenge to a duel.
An act or statement of defiance; a call to confrontation: a challenge to the government's authority.
A demand for explanation or justification; a calling into question: a challenge to a theory.
A sentry's call to an unknown party for proper identification.
A test of one's abilities or resources in a demanding but stimulating undertaking: a career that offers a challenge.

So what is this little exert going to unfold!!!

I have no anwers to this one, just like you I will have to wait and see what journey my soul is wanting to take me on.

This is about love, relationships and connections

I'm learning about being Lexy at the age of 27, about being able to connect with people, but especially with the opposite sex. I've just come out of a 5 year relationship and the last time I was single I was 21 years old. I have learnt so much since then, I've become a different person. Therefore it's like learning how to be all over again.

I've learnt that honest communication is so important. That we can't assume that others know where we are coming from, what goes on in our head & in our hearts. That by verbalising honestly, you give the greatest gift, enabling people to make informed decisions which in it's self is freedom and thus you too being in that position.

Alot of my subconsious traits have now risen to the surface, and I'm in the process of changing that I deem worth changing (freeing myself). There was always a right and wrong, I no longer want that. I want somebody that I can share with, somebody I can openly communicate with, that understands nearly every aspect of life, to be able to discuss it without having to explaining background, for there not to be a right and wrong, just letting it all be whatever it is.

I was rejected for years on a regular basis, this wasn't right, careful about this, always trying to make the right step having to gauge everything, there was no freedom in that. It was restrictive and I chose to allow it to cage me. I'm learning to be open, to be honest and to be vunerable, all of which I struggle with, because intimacy has never been my friend, we have never been buddies, I've always shied away from it. I've learnt to simulate intimacy, to tell people what it is they want to hear, my intention is to make the other person happy. Whatever the intention it's not what I think should be done, I'm wanting to be honest with myself and therefore honest with others. I feel like a child making their first steps, and it's exciting and terrifying at the same time. I'm growing into a new person and I've been given a few people in my life that are helping me and pushing me to see reality, the reality of what is me. At times I get hugely frustrated with these people, one person in particular, though everything that I'm experincing in valuable to the nth degree, something that I can't allow myself to shy away from. I have to stand up & say thank you, I can take it, I can learn and I can love through this.

I'm learning to love and that is the basis. I'm learning to love myself and then love without want. I'm definatly not there. In my heart I want to be loved, for somebody to realise that I'm worth their love, to come find me and not let me go, but always to keep my in their heart, not in their sight. I just want to know that I am worth it, but of course first I have to realise that I am worth it. Learn to love without attachment, to love without fear, to not cage it, to not lable it, and to just let it be what it is in the purist form, to honor it, to do it justice. I know that I will learn how to do this, I know that I'm not there yet.

At the moment all I can ask of myself is to keep seeking it, and in the meantime surround myself with people that I can trust.

It's about freedom, it's about freeing oneself, thank you! You are helping me to free myself, letting it all go, that's what intimacy is freedom and that is what love is freedom!

I had that moment J, it has become clear just like you said it would, that in its self is freeing!

You don't own it, you don't own somebody, you don't own your past, you don't label, you don't hold. It's about freedom, letting it be, letting things go, allowing everything to grow in the sunshine and not put it in the shade by watching it, you don't watch it you feel it, you don't watch life you are life, you live it, you let it flow through you, you don't hold on to it, it's a free flow, that's what freedom is. When you talk about your past then it no longer owns you, when you express it you free it, you are no longer your past, you are who you are today, not even who you'll be tomorrow, but what you are in the present. You no longer ware you life experinces as labels, to let people know where you have come from and therefore who you are. You past doesn't define you what you learn does! It's about learning and then letting it go, allow the lessons to shape you, but not to own you, it leaves an imprint as it flows through you, it shapes you, it's water running over you washing away that which no longer needs to be there, it's a constent refreshing, it's the wind blowing away the old for the now to be. The dead leaves on a tree have to fall, and how does that happen but by the wind, they have to fall off to allow for the new ones to come through, for life to be able to flourish. If we cage ourselves we die inside, I know I've been there and now I'm living for freedom, it's tatooed on my arm, so thank you, to you the universe that guided me there.

The New Generation

This is dediacted to 4 amazing people!

Congratulations Kyle & Laura, Archie & Nina on the fabulous life changing news on soon becoming parents. I hear you guys are only a week apart as well, it's going to be a busy month June 07'!

All of these people are highly deserving and will make wonderful parents. Their kids are very very lucky to be brought into this world as it stands with the type of people all 4 are. They will never want for love and inspiration, what more could anyone ask for.

It's true that I don't know Laura, Kyle's soon to be wife, well at all, but I do know Kyle and therefore I know that he only chooses amazing people for his life. Therefore I would think that his wife and mother of his child will be a wonderful person with a energy that just lights up everything.

To all of you I wish you the best of many years to come, with resolutions for all trials, for unconditional love to flow like the eternal wave, to live and revel in every moment and of course how could I forget to make sure that you kids are 1. the next big drummer to hit the music world (Kyle & Laura) 2. the next best cricketer for England so we can retain the ashes or at least win it back (Archie & Nina).

Love, light, blessings and here's hoping to one of you guys picking me to be Auntie Lexy hint, hint!

Here's to us all not fucking up our kids too much, but when we do to make sure we have the money to pay for the therapist hehehehehehe!

Love to you all
Moment by Moment

When you have nothing to lose

I'm free and single,
The whole world is open to me,
I have nothing holding me down,
My heart is whole and healed,
My soul is flying on the winds,
My spirit is running free,
Every moment is where I should be,
Happiness is no longer elusive,
I am whole.

You can never lose something you've never had, and we own nothing is our lives, apart from ourselves. Every memory resides within us, every person that has affected our lives we carry with us, there are no endings, just moments in time, we are drawn to experinces to then fly away to be drawn in again. Everything we have we have choosen and everything we lack we have manifested, everything we want is possible, every lesson we are to learn is given to us, so how can we lose.

I could look back on my life and say I have lost, but that in its self is a choice. What can I perceive as loss, my brother dieing, my best friends and brothers dieing, no longer having this relationship and that relationship, a friendship ending, a love not returned, part of myself being discarded or given up. All of that isn't loss, it's just moments, moments that hurt, moments that I have cried over, moments that I have felt confused about, moments that have challeneged me, moments that have broken and rebuilt me, but most important of all is that these are all moments that have pushed me to grow, to learn about what love is, to face my fears and to learn that life seems to be erractic in its lessons, but there is a pattern that we understand in our souls, that we gain from all.

To have a dream placed infront of us, for all that you heart desires to finally be manifested in another, to be able to see your future in somebody elses eyes and then to have it run through your fingers like water can be seen as loss. What has it given you? What have you learnt? How has it helped you to grow? These questions are far more important to answer then to see only what you don't have.

A friend of mine today asked what was the highlight of my 3 months in the states. It's hard to summerize a single moment from months of living, however I took up the challenge. I didn't have to ponder it for too long! I meet two men that are my equals in different ways, but equals all the same. One of them I feel hard in love with. The wonderful thing about it is that I was clueless to falling into his waters, until one night.

The night was exciting, we had eacaped our place of dwelling for a little bit of light relief from the politics that were swirling. The night air had a sense of adventure on the wind. We drank, laughed, played pool, drank some more and then stepped outside for a ciggarette. I felt drawn to this man, in ways that I hadn't experinced before, something I couldn't fathom, so had placed in the back of mind to be analysied another time. I was chattering away as I do, until I looked into his eyes and saw something that I should have seen before then. I stopped and asked what is it, he relpied by saying 'you know that saying about drowning in somebodies eyes, well I spin in yours'. It hit me like a ten ton truck from behind. I realised then that he is everything that I want and more, everything I had dreamed about, and the man that the universe whispered about in my ear when I was just a little girl. My first thought was 'oh shit'! He asked me and I told him that thought and his reply was 'I'm way ahead of you'. How could I have not seen it coming, how could I have been so blind to what was growing. I just thought he was my mate, somebody who had quickly become my bestfriend, and for a good reason, he had and still has a girlfriend, those men to me are off limits.

It's so easy, it flows like the sea, it makes me breathe, it feels like I have come home for the first time. He knows me without having to ask, he sees me, he sees my soul. I remember the first time we meet, I looked into his eyes and thought, no felt, I know you, I see you. The closest I've ever come to being able to communcate without words is with my sister Jess and we've known each other for 17 years. With this man, we could read each others minds, no words had to be uttered.
I've never enjoyed the little moments so much as I did with him, it was about the small things. Staying up till 4am talking and laughing, cooking together, fixing cars, or just sitting watch the sunset with a beer in one hand and ciggarette in the other. Life has never been so bright, my life has never felt so peaceful, my heart has never been so contented, my soul has never been so free, and my spirit has never been so entwined with another. We are one, but individuals. I can take a deep breathe for the first time in so long. Nobody has every told me the thing they love the most about me is the way I think. He doesn't want to change me, oh my god could this be real.

I'm scared, I've never found my equal before and within him I have. I'm not ready for what we could be and neither is he, I don't know whether he will ever be. He has things that he needs to do and I have to establish certain aspects of my life. The universe is either going to bring us together again or it isn't. If it doesn't grow from here, at least he has given me hope. Hope that somebody someday is going to love me for who I am and not want to change this free spirit, but understand that I need freedom to love. I could think I have lost him, but I haven't, he resides within me everyday, all I have to do is think of him and I can feel him, an ocean can't dull this connection, it is above distant and time, it functions in a realm that I've never explored before and oh am I loving this journey.

I'm scared of labelling him, because I feel that it would kill its core, the essence, however my soul has found a partner and we shall see how it all pans out. Till the next moment, because this isn't over, it isn't done, but who knows where it is going to go from here. I'm scared that he thinks I didn't fight for him and just let him go. That isn't it at all! I felt he didn't want to be fought for, however on a deeper level I fought for him, I let him go and do whatever it is he has to do. It's his choice to come and explore this, he needs freedom as much as I do and so we parted on our flight, our journey for now. Though I hope that he doesn't think he has lost me because we will always be connected, and above all I'm still waiting for him, while my life continues along its path.

I am yours to come and find!

I thank you the universe for this man!

Brought to my attention

Something flitered through the cyber waves today, and got me thinking! Oh dear lord I hear you say, not her thinking, oh yes my friends I have come out of my shell, therefore the brain is very much active.

Rejection

This is how it is boxed, labelled, in other words described in the dictionary:

To refuse to accept, submit to, believe, or make use of.
To refuse to consider or grant; deny.
To refuse to recognize or give affection to (a person).
To discard as defective or useless; throw away.

To refuse to accept, submit to, believe, or make use of.

I was surprised to have this one resonate with me.

Rjection is the other persons inablity to recongise what they need to face. We choose to feel rejected due to somebody elses inablity to face up to what is infront of them. They hide, duck and weave but don't stand up and tell you what is on there mind, what they are feeling, but most of all they can't stand up and be honest with themselves let alone with you.

Verbalising something makes it real and alot of time we don't like to open our eyes and hearts to reality. However reality is all about what we create and how we perceieve our enviroment, so we don't like to open ourselves up to ourselves.

We are never rejected! Now I can hear all of you sniffing at that statement, because lets face it we have all felt rejected in our lives, me include and rather recently too. Though when I look back on it, it was always somebody elses struggle, with honesty, connecting with themselves, denying what they had created, their own fear and finally all of that being projected onto said rejected person.

By realising that it's their internal struggle that is being highlighted, we learn not to take it personally, even though it can be directed at us, you see past the smoke screen and see what is the truth instead of what they are wanting you to see. Then their reality breaks down and your clarity arrives in the shape of understanding. When you understand you can let go, so let go of rejection because it's a smoke screen to viel the truth, that door that will lead straight to the heart of the situation.

Last little idea to throw out there is if those around us only add to our happiness, completion and joy how then can we feel rejected as nothing has been lost, discard or thrown away!

Back in London Town

What a culture shock it has been for this mountain chick to be back in the big city.






Where are the mountains, the fresh air, the space and hiking every morning?
I left that back in Colorado, where I left part of myself, to go and collect sometime soon! Yes my first night back I was looking on expedia for flights back to Boulder Colorado, that's got to speak volumes of where my heart is.

These last 3 months have been a rollercoaster ride that still hasn't stopped, and I've loved every minute of it. I can safely say that I'm a better person for all the I have experinced and learnt. That spark for life has finally come back to me and is residing closer to the surface then ever before, it's expressing its self with every breathe, movement and decision I'm making. My eyes have sparkle to them, and my soul has shed and can now grow with each moment that passes, in short I am happy, happier then I can ever remember being.

I've falling in love and then out of love and then in love again, I've cried, hurt, felt peace, contentment, joy, been challeneged in many ways, made and lost friends, been confused, had real moments of clarity, felt lost and then found, felt adored and disliked, worked my ass off and have the scars to prove it, stop biting my nails, lived a truley rural life, yes that's right only two showers a week, butchered horses, cows and elk, watched a cow been shot and not dieing until the 4th shot to the head, learnt to build things, fix cars, work with wood, cook for 14+ people, build fires to keep warm every night, having my alarm clock being the wolves howling, lived in a tipee, a two stroey one at that, started drinking coffee and alcohol again, didn't quit smoking, saved a guy on a mountain, fashioned a stretcher, diagnosied wolves, ran an office, learnt about managment and how important it is communicate, been the bitch, the friend and councellor, been national geographics personal assitant aka their bitch, hurt and helped heal people, meet family, found my little brother, found home and so much more.

Found out that it is a lot easier in many ways to be in a long term relationship, I had forgotten what I attract when I'm single. My life has always challeneged me, especially when it comes to men. I fell in love with the way somebody felt about me, then realised and had to break it off and therefore hurt a wonderful man. I tried the good guy and reaslied I need a reformed bad boy, a man not a boy. I've already been part of a boys process of gowing into a man and now know that I don't want to do that again. Been shown two men that have a warrior spirit, and that could equal me in many ways. Been told that somebody loves me for who I am and for the way I think, not somebody who wants to change me. I've been thrown curve balls twice and allowed myself to be knocked off centre. Been shown what a soulful connection can be like, how easy it can be and how it can add to my happiness in the most uplifting way. My heart has been broken and then experinced opening the door to my secret garden without as much as a thought.

More is to come, as now I have to go and get ready to meet my friends for my birthday dinner. I have missed them, even though I wasn't in contact a lot with them, I hope they know that they are always in my heart and part of my experinces.

I do love you all madly

Mission Wolf

I realise that it has been along time and you all have my sincerist apologies for the lack of contact!
Though please know that there has been wonderful reasons why.

I'm in true nature, and in my true haven. For me there is nothing better then having the howls of wolves shimmering in the night, the sky black as black with the moon highlighting all that surrounds of mountains loaming into the skyline. However what lights my fire in my heart is the people that have come into my life, or myself coming into their life. I came here with no expecations, with no want to find new firends, let alone fall in love. Isn't that always the way, when you're not looking the universe goes 'well lets see if you can handle this', keep on testing me spirit, keep me on my toes as I'm always grateful and love what comes.

I have made friends that I don't want to leave, I have meet a man that fills my heart to fullness. They demand me to be present and they see my intensity that I hold so close to me in fear of chasing away those that don't function on such a level. They see it and want it, and for those of you who know me and have experinced my love and intensity for you all can understand why I struggle with this. However I struggle with it every day, but I smile every morning that I wake as I know that I will be challenged and my true self that I try to contain will be asked for. This is what I've craved for so long, though I wish that you my firends could be here to enjoy this sense of peace and completeness that this place brings.

I have blisters, splinters, brusies and cuts all over, my muscles ache, my lips are cracked, but my mind, spirit and emotions are healed. So painful, so grateful and I'll be glad to see you all later.

I love you all and will post again soon

Andi's 32nd

Once again I'm at this computer in the early hours of the morning divulging another spectacular night of friendship, roarcous behaviour and eyes full of that mischievious trinkle................

It was Andi, or as I like to call her 'my little oreo' birthday, and yes we had a celebration for her on the weekend, and what a house party. As with all London houses/flats they are narrow but long. Therefore we squished 30 people into a kitchen and a small back garden for a night of drinking, stupendious laughter, dancing (more like a lot of shaking and grinding those hips that us women have been so blessed with) and how could I forget Jouls' fabulous one of a kind chocolate cake. It's ok people there was no paint brushes and nutella to causes this party to go left field, mind you when do we need that to venture down that left path that we all love so much....!

Most of all it was clean, good fun and with all of our gatherings it makes me realise how lucky I am to have such fabulous, querky, eccentric friends that light up my life and make my everyday experinces better and better with surprises that just keep on rolling like the ocean, never ceasing, but always moving.



Tonight..........
We all arrived, late I may add though nothing unusal with that, to our place of dwelling, the Big Easy restaurant on the kings road in Chelsea. Oh yes we went upmarket, however you couldn't call the place upmarket. It's a place where you get down, dirty and intermit with you food, oh yes Jen your crab experince comes start to the forefront for this one. Jen you're so lady like and gently, but watching you devle into that crab with pure brut force was a sight to see, you tear that meat out of that shell girl, a very cathartic experdition! There is nothing sexier then seeing a women ripe apart a shell and devour the meat, god love ya!


The atmosphere was quite vibey, until we got there. We took over the place, mush to a certain tables disgust, but what the hell we were having a ball. The live musicans that played all those classic songs that we could clap and sing along to must be praised for there involvement in getting us going and disrupting others meals. Put Jess (my sister) and I in an enviroment like that and we can't help but insigate...........!

The food was flowing on plates bigger then a womans vulptious chest, with all types of meat brimming over the sides and how can I forget the chocolate milkshakes, oh heaven in a glass.
So after eating half a cow some people left, but us die hards, which you must take into account this is a tuesday night, went exploring for a little night cap. Did we find a place or what! A lovely dark, leather couched, salsa bar called Azteca. I would never have thought there would be such a place on the posh kings road, but what a find. The mojitas where purchased and slumbering on black leather couches followed. What a perfect way to end such a good night, liam you are a lucky bastead, three hot women surrounding you and you got to take one of them home.

To my friends it is always a pleasure and a prevailge to spend my time with you, I could ask for nothing better in this life and don't forget that verbal contract you signed when you spoke the words yes Lexy. So prepare yourselves for moving to San Fran in 2008!

The Spirit!

So many things seem so far away now!!
It’s amazing how life changes and what paths you go down, those that you could never have envisioned you find yourself wondering down. Looking at the scenery around you, it starts you thinking about those goals, hopes and dreams you had and where they went. Whether they are important to you anymore or is it that they were needed at the time and have now lost their pull or purpose.
There is a saying that you are where you are meant to be right now!
How you can lose sight of that at times. Sometimes it feels like everything around you is so wrong, your body feels a vessel which you spirit isn’t meant to reside in, that life surrounds you on all sides drawing closer and closer taking that freedom of breathe, to be able to make decisions with a clear head.
Instinct is a useful part of our being but how much do we trust it and how much can you trust it when we let our heads be crowded with external influences rather then clearing our minds and truly feeling what our spirit is telling us. It’s like shouting at the top of your voice in a crowed place with some many other words being shouted at the same time. Which is the true one to let yourself focus on and shut out the rest that is inconsequential and what others place there?

Where does your being start and everyone else end? To know this is a great feat, one which should be cherished and held onto. Though we should be part of everything, however I believe that we should be part of all nature that surrounds us and sustains us in this body, but to be well defined from others. To be able to stay true your spirit is a continuous learning experience and journey that we are all on all of the time. You can recognise this or just close those eyes and stare at what is ever in front and behind, but not what is right here right now.
I made an analogy the other day about the difference between the sensitive side of a person and a strong side. That analogy goes like this, the strong side of a person is like ice you can mould it, it has clear defined borders.

The Coming Together of Two

What a wedding it was!

This is the first wedding of my close friends..............Now here comes the domino effect and I welcome it with open arms, becasue there is nothing better then seeing two people that are in love celebrating it with their friends and family.
The energy on those days is electrifying, intense and pure.

I wish Archie and Nina all the happiness, joy and strength to get them through any obsickle that is placed in their path.

They truely are amazing together.

I have known Archie for 8 years now and Nina over 2 years. I can honestly say that I have never seen my close friend (Archie) happier. The light that Nina brings to his eyes is thrilling, that is what love is meant to be. Love is many things I know, but to see somebody light up when their partner walks into a room, is mentioned or they are just thinking about them is truely magical, I wish that for everybody. I know that their lives together will also be tested, however if there are two people that can get through anything together and in the process bring them closer and grow stronger for it then it is these two.

I love you both and looking forward to being part of your new adventure.

I can't wait for a little Archie and Nina running around!

IT'S HERE.....................

...............So jump around and scream, let me hear you, PROTOSOUL!!!!!!

Yes you guessed it the most wanted EP for 2006!!!! 6mg is the new EP from our beloved PROTOSOUL.
Check out www.protosoul.com then click on music and listen loud, loud, loud, and for all of you who know the words sing it even louder.

This EP was recorded at Stakeout Studio, the same venue as their first, however the quality is a thousand times better. Hats off to all the guys involved.

It's raw
It's pulsating,
It's electrifying
It gets that blood pumping around the veins

Don't take my word for it, all you have to do it click and listen to what the music scene has been craving for so long.

Enjoy

Poi & Roof Terrace Paparazzi.......

Intriguing right!!!!!

Well that Saturday was definately fun, lets put it that way.

The afternoon was full of the smells of braai wafting through the air, tantilizing the taste buds. While we were being teased with what was to come, Poi's where taken out and discovered for the first time for some and rediscovered for others. What a laugh, these balls on a line where flung around and around up in the air and sometimes landed near vital antomy parts of those who where to trying to master the practise of the Poi!

The afternoon soon waned into the evening and yet another party to go to. Londonite life style is a demanding one, it's hard but somebody has to be wanted in so many places.
The next destination was Jimmie and Niks roof terrace and many a great evening has been had there so far, and many more to come I imagine, as the weather slow convinces itself that it is actaully summer, therefore the sun should make an apperance.
We had our very own rock stars in the house, Kyle and Nik from the famous PROTOSOUL www.protosoul.com and as always they never disappoint with entertainment value. Kyle found himseld rapped up on the couch with 4 women and fairy lights, and the paparazzi going mad. Something they are going to have to fathom in the near and present future, it's was a good warm up for them. We do what we can boys....!!!!!!

Our very own 'Her Ladyship' was there to join in and spice things up, as well as our very own famous Actress Miss Jessica Rabbit as some like to call her, but we just call her our Ka Ka! All the peps where out in full force, the wine and the punch was flowing (dangerous that stuff was, a brown colour is never going to be good). The early hours of the morning where meet and a frolicking time was had by all.

We can never forget our own tigers/lions that graced us with their presence!


There is nothing better then the friends in my life. I'm rich beyond belief and i raise my ciggarette to you all and say with a twinkle in my eye here's to the summer of 2006, where dreams are going to be made and manifest and lives will be ultered.

The Legend.........

Now who would have thought that this rock chick would have ventured to a pop concert!

Well let me tell you that it wasn't just any pop concert, it was Sir Elton John. A marvelous pianist, with soulful lyrics (well most of the time) and songs that we all know to open our lungs and sing as loud as one can........... My neighbors at the concert might not have appreciated that so much, but who cares when it's rock and roll, well pop but you know what I mean.

The day started out early, many things to do in this busy londonite life style that soooo many of us lead. Then it was jump in the car and hot tail it round to Oreo's (Andi Smandi) place, as I was running late, yes I hear the collective surprise surprise! As we are cruising at some illegal speed down the motorway (highway for those who aren't english) listening to a wonderful collection of music, we are already warming up for singing our lungs out at the concert. We're dancing, singing and laughing at our own ability to be complete drama eccentric queens. Just the recipe you want for a great road trip. We're both so excited to be going hospitality to this gig (yes dad you got it right, you trend setter you)! HOSPITALITY I hear you wonder, Andi and I, what.....!
Yes can you believe that they would let us in to something like that, well believe it baby. Hey we did dress the part in our defense, but of course kept our flat ragged comfy shoes in our bags just in case, you can never be too prepared. You never know when scruff ball dress is needed!















So we get there and find that my dad and calculated wrong with the tickets, we are one short. So my cunning father ends up not having a ticket but getting in all the same, with a trick of get all the group together (14 of us) pile the lads at the gate with the 13 tickets we have and just walk. What a brilliant scheme and one quality I would like to say I inherited from him, sneaky devil..........!
However that also means that there is a dilemma when it comes to the hospitality, however how could I doubt my father after he just so gracefully sneaked his way in. So going on that theme he did the same thing with as we walked up to the hospitality tent. However at the table we still have to many people, so Andi and I decide to let the 'grown ups' have the luxury and us join the rest of the plebs with ice cream and sodas outside in the sun. We found our seats, very close to the stage, great view and people watched for hours. Nothing better in my book and oh the people there, I think people in sussex don't have an idea of style, but they all were enjoying themselves and made an effort so lets not get snobbie.

The support act came on 'The Stories', a welsh band, now lets not hold that against them. Sounding pretty great, with 5 in the band and 3 of them could sing and I mean sing. A great warm up to what was to come.

Elton come on late, as I suspect he was watching the end of the football match, England where playing someone. If you know me you know I pay no mind to that game, but we won, so my pariotism does come out to play. The first half was chilled. Everybody sat in their seats and appreciated the music marvel that is Elton John. All the songs were extended with muscial interludes, well maybe that's the wrong word, but musical extensions. What a truely accomlpished muscian he is and all of his band!




The second half saw the bouncy tunes come out. Everybody was out of their seats, bums moving, arms waving, singing voices loud, but not in tune, but who cares at that point. The crowd was electric, Elton was electric and the vibe was coursing through the veins sparking a euphoric atmosphere.



A great day was had by all, especially Jimmie and Michele (friends of my folks), who enjoyed themselves just a little bit too much, so much that they can't remember past the lunch. It was a entertaining experince, one that could take yours captivated eyes off Elton, to them falling over each other, bumping into people, falling on the floor, so you can imagine the value of entertainment went up a notch. Andi I decide to head out at the end and walk back to my folks place, it was a warm evening and it was nice to idle along. Trouble is the parents stayed for more drinks and even managed to get back in a taxi just before we did, but hey it was a lovely evening walk. We righted the worlds wrongs and set the everything in motion once again!
















The moral of the story is branch out with your music taste, take a chance and you never know you might just have a good time.

Two Souls Intertwined

What a beautiful cathartic evening!
Two old souls meet once again, but this time on a different plane, a different level. The setting was a wonderfully charming Thai restaurant, with low lighting, amazing intrinsic decor and a relaxed atmosphere.. Deep dark colours where splashed all over by a decandent Moroccan theme, with the occasionally passionate red emulating from the large cushions.
The waitor was quite but attentive, extremely respectful and humble is every movement he made, inclining his head at every request.

Unconsiously these two souls choose the same main course, not that much of a surprise, as they enjoy many of the same tastes, sounds and experiences. It was a healing night in so many ways. Closing of those doors that can be left open swinging back and forth. The path is about acceptance, healing, personal groweth and change which has been taken on with such wisdom and maturity. Clarity comes in many different shapes and forms, sometimes it is there as bright as a clear summers day, and other times it eludes like a fog settling on a cold winters morning.

What are these two souls to do, together but not together, rapped around each other but distant. The only thing that comes to me, is live for now, there is no future but the one we're in right at this second. There is no time but the time we place on ourselves. Who knows where any path is going in lead. All you can do is keep that head up, that peripheal vision intact, feet moving and heart and spirit open. There are always bumps, turns, other paths and most of all the unknown infront of you. Allow yourself to feel, allow that to be your strength, because there is no strength in hiding in the shadow of perceived weakness, that is fear taken hold and morphing it's self around you.



They have meet in many lives before, and the bond will never be lessened, just changed. The times shared will always be treasured and remembered with a thank you for the adventure. However they must leave each other for a while to find other realms to play in, but they will be back, back together again in a newly formed realm whatever that maybe. Certain things are destined and with these two souls it was fate that they have graced each others lives. So I bow to the universe and utter my thanks and praise for knowing them better then they know themselves and embrace the present for whatever it may hold. Because everything is light and the glow lifts us like the winds lifting the eagle to soar . From high above in the sky the view is breathtaking and clear for the eyes to see.

So once again I raise my cigarette to you my soulmate, and say you will run free on the planes, and soon I will again join you to hunt and find adventure, with the wind blowing through our fur and the ground pounding under our paws.

As Within So Without, As Above So Below

It’s all about self-searching and realisation!
Once you have found yourself then the rest of your world falls directly into place. The difficult part is keeping everything in place. That is the challenge. Situations and relationships shape shift, take on different forms as the years roll by. Some choose to become blind to the continuous movement of the world that takes form around them. They muddle along through what they can see as real, through their shades of denial and their own self-involvement. There is much more to life then what can be seen and touched, it’s what can be felt that gives life its depth and meaning.
Emotional deception and refutation is what scares this world of ours and us. We live life by regret and what ifs, buts and maybes. We find it hard to forgive our past and ourselves for the actions that have been placed on us and the actions we place on others, including ourselves. So many doors are left opened swinging back and forth, but never closing. Emotions get placed at the back, in a box and left to build up and fester, causing ill health and the inability to move on past the concept of pain. Life is pain and pleasure, without the latter there can’t be appreciation of what joys can become in this world. Measurement is a natural remedy of the human being. Past memories dictate our future. If you can’t forgive the past and treasure the lessons then the future is already mapped out for you. The circle is never broken and life takes on a form of repetition. Therefore lacking substance and change-ability. Change-ability is what keeps life inspiring, interesting and the creativity that everybody posses, in whatever field of the imagination, rolling and expanding.

Beauty beholds us around ever corner and in ever situation that comes our way. In ever little bit of peace and disorder you can find light and the romantic caressing of life. Caressing of the soul and the spirit is what eludes us everyday. It’s something that should be surrendered to instead of fought against. Being alive is dangerous!!!
Allowing our emotions to come to surface is dangerous, but allowing that to happen we learn how to deal with them and then they become less erratic as we learn how to properly express and hold them true in our lives.

Change Is Gauranteed

Beyond the realms of consciousness
There is peace
To fly with the winds
To soar with freedom on your wings
It’s the haven of the soul

Sublime tranquillity cursing through veins of old
Creating a sensation of fresh revival
The blood surging over the walls
Walls that have enslaved
Freedom is on the wings

Wings that now can spread to the edge of each horizon
Beyond that which is reality
Forming a circle of the world that is yours
Yours to govern
Yours to live
Yours to command
Freedom brings the joy of a free spirit
No limitation to endure
Only fathom and displace

The past is the now the past
A distant memory
A lesson learnt
No more shying in the shadows
Demons have no darkness to lurk in
No hate to feed off
Angels now dwell in the realms of this heart
Protected by the light of a new era
Time to see not to hide
Open the gates of this sanctuary
The key is now
Nobody can bring me down Cause all I see is the heights

Introducing 'Her Ladyship'

To the board:

We have to scibe a new nickname into the records, 'Her ladyship Miss Jen Smit THS', however she is willing to be kind and just, and allow us to address her as 'Her Ladyship'..................

How kind and gracious she is!

THS: This is for you to work out

A Night of Tongue Twisters & Friends

The Consentration is mesmorising

A tantilising, side tickerling, smile broadening night was had by all......well except for Kempster whos recent antics and travel had exhausted him into utter quietness!

Our usual Thrusday shinanigans was moved to Wednesday for a bit of a shake up. Those Thursday nights have been known for there policy that anything goes, and I mean anything...! That just means that we become louder, more daring and the lude comments fly back and forth like a Mig fighter plane, oh and who can forget the games.
So in the mood of change and keeping things from becoming stale with the normal mundane routine, a change of day was suggested and taken up, but the venue remained the same. Maybe we'll live life on the edge next time and move away from the local bar of choice and really spice things up.
As we sat at the table the drinks where flowing the conversation was segregated to smaller groups, our Jimmilicious throw in a fabulous curve ball to heighten the experience. What else could you expect but a drinking game, involving remembering a sucession of silly made up sentances to tongue tie everybody. A challenge on a normal night, let alone one where the devilish pleasurable substance of alcohol is being consumed.
We managed to go from 1 to 9, didn't quite reach 10, but forgive us. So the first sentance is made and goes round the group, then the second one is added and so on. So here it is from 1-9 and please feel free to try this one at home, but it's better to do it in a pub while irritating your neigbours, who are trying to have a civil Wednesday night drink. What did I tell you living on the edge.
One Fat Hen
Couple of Ducks
Three Brown Bears
Four Running Hares
Five Furry Foxes Fighting Fireflies
Six Silly Soliders Sipping Sour Soda
Seven Simple Simpletons Sillily Sitting Sorting Socks
Eighty Eight Evil Elephants Eating Every Easter Egg
Nineteen Ninty Nine is Neither Now Nor Never Never No

SHINANIGANS indeed!!!!
The applause was roaring, the fuck ups were many and the times were great. These are the times of our lives, and what better people to share it with but my dearest friends that I hold in such high regard, Andi Smandi (my little oreo), Jouls, Leampy, Kempster, Nikolia, Jen, Jessie Ka Ka Ka (don't beat me to gently) and Jimmilicious. I'm going to have to come up with nicknames for Jen and Jouls very soon!
So I raise my glass, or my ciggerette (sorry no 20% taken off) to friendships old and new, to making memories that I will record and photos to blackmail..........!

A few people are missing but you get the idea!

Whoever thought........

.......I would do something like this. But change is on the horizon for me. Actually let me right that wrong, change is what my life is. So for all of those that where there when my body recoiled and the words 'I could never share my life over the web' were uttered, we'll share a few glasses of Prosseco and Red Bull while the ragging takes place. Then I'll choose to validate and splash deep and inner life altering previously composed poetry over the whole thing, and smile sweetly so you forget that those words ever sprung forth from these lips.

We shall see how long this journey lasts, anybody care to take bets on it. Nik I expect a comment!!!!

But for now lets ride this wave of inspiration (thanks Jen) and embrace the changing winds of life like a lone leaf cascading and swirling.