Challenges, Questions & Decisions

Decision:
The passing of judgment on an issue under consideration.
The act of reaching a conclusion or making up one's mind.
A conclusion or judgment reached or pronounced; a verdict.
Firmness of character or action; determination.

Challenge:

A call to engage in a contest, fight, or competition: a challenge to a duel.
An act or statement of defiance; a call to confrontation: a challenge to the government's authority.
A demand for explanation or justification; a calling into question: a challenge to a theory.
A sentry's call to an unknown party for proper identification.
A test of one's abilities or resources in a demanding but stimulating undertaking: a career that offers a challenge.

So what is this little exert going to unfold!!!

I have no anwers to this one, just like you I will have to wait and see what journey my soul is wanting to take me on.

This is about love, relationships and connections

I'm learning about being Lexy at the age of 27, about being able to connect with people, but especially with the opposite sex. I've just come out of a 5 year relationship and the last time I was single I was 21 years old. I have learnt so much since then, I've become a different person. Therefore it's like learning how to be all over again.

I've learnt that honest communication is so important. That we can't assume that others know where we are coming from, what goes on in our head & in our hearts. That by verbalising honestly, you give the greatest gift, enabling people to make informed decisions which in it's self is freedom and thus you too being in that position.

Alot of my subconsious traits have now risen to the surface, and I'm in the process of changing that I deem worth changing (freeing myself). There was always a right and wrong, I no longer want that. I want somebody that I can share with, somebody I can openly communicate with, that understands nearly every aspect of life, to be able to discuss it without having to explaining background, for there not to be a right and wrong, just letting it all be whatever it is.

I was rejected for years on a regular basis, this wasn't right, careful about this, always trying to make the right step having to gauge everything, there was no freedom in that. It was restrictive and I chose to allow it to cage me. I'm learning to be open, to be honest and to be vunerable, all of which I struggle with, because intimacy has never been my friend, we have never been buddies, I've always shied away from it. I've learnt to simulate intimacy, to tell people what it is they want to hear, my intention is to make the other person happy. Whatever the intention it's not what I think should be done, I'm wanting to be honest with myself and therefore honest with others. I feel like a child making their first steps, and it's exciting and terrifying at the same time. I'm growing into a new person and I've been given a few people in my life that are helping me and pushing me to see reality, the reality of what is me. At times I get hugely frustrated with these people, one person in particular, though everything that I'm experincing in valuable to the nth degree, something that I can't allow myself to shy away from. I have to stand up & say thank you, I can take it, I can learn and I can love through this.

I'm learning to love and that is the basis. I'm learning to love myself and then love without want. I'm definatly not there. In my heart I want to be loved, for somebody to realise that I'm worth their love, to come find me and not let me go, but always to keep my in their heart, not in their sight. I just want to know that I am worth it, but of course first I have to realise that I am worth it. Learn to love without attachment, to love without fear, to not cage it, to not lable it, and to just let it be what it is in the purist form, to honor it, to do it justice. I know that I will learn how to do this, I know that I'm not there yet.

At the moment all I can ask of myself is to keep seeking it, and in the meantime surround myself with people that I can trust.

It's about freedom, it's about freeing oneself, thank you! You are helping me to free myself, letting it all go, that's what intimacy is freedom and that is what love is freedom!

I had that moment J, it has become clear just like you said it would, that in its self is freeing!

You don't own it, you don't own somebody, you don't own your past, you don't label, you don't hold. It's about freedom, letting it be, letting things go, allowing everything to grow in the sunshine and not put it in the shade by watching it, you don't watch it you feel it, you don't watch life you are life, you live it, you let it flow through you, you don't hold on to it, it's a free flow, that's what freedom is. When you talk about your past then it no longer owns you, when you express it you free it, you are no longer your past, you are who you are today, not even who you'll be tomorrow, but what you are in the present. You no longer ware you life experinces as labels, to let people know where you have come from and therefore who you are. You past doesn't define you what you learn does! It's about learning and then letting it go, allow the lessons to shape you, but not to own you, it leaves an imprint as it flows through you, it shapes you, it's water running over you washing away that which no longer needs to be there, it's a constent refreshing, it's the wind blowing away the old for the now to be. The dead leaves on a tree have to fall, and how does that happen but by the wind, they have to fall off to allow for the new ones to come through, for life to be able to flourish. If we cage ourselves we die inside, I know I've been there and now I'm living for freedom, it's tatooed on my arm, so thank you, to you the universe that guided me there.