Fantasy!

The experience of survival is the key to the Gravity of Love.......... The path exists! To discover what it is, is the Gravity of Love. Find the one that guides you........

Is Magic just a fantasy in this life, or does it really exist? I suppose that depends on you interpretation on magic. I have a a picture in my bathroom that says 'don't deny yourself magic.....Believe'
Our minds are what create this world that we live in, and everyone has a different world. They see it through their own eyes and never are two worlds the same. Does that mean that we create our own magic by our belief in it. I truly believe that we manifest that which is present in our lives, and that leaves we wondering why I manifest certain things. Does the pain come from a unconscious need to prove to ourselves that we aren't worth it, aren't worth love, happiness, peace and joy. Does our lack of self love bring forth the pain that we experience? Do we want to punish ourselves to keep us down and wanting, continuously searching outside ourselves for external affirmation, to be told that we are deserving of love. To only then manifest situation that tell us differently! Why does it seem to be the hardest lesson in our lives, to learn to love ourselves for who and what we are, no matter what others tell us, perceive us to be or project onto us. Most people just hold a picture of who they think you are, and most of the time that isn't you, it's you seen through their eyes. At times that is enticing, esp when someone loves you, because we want to see ourselves in that light, in that way, and struggle to do so. We compete with fantasies that we create, fantasies of other people. Sometimes this can be helpful because it is a way of being that we strive towards, other times it is a way to put ourselves down. The thoughts of I can't compete with that person, I don't have the ability that they do, I will never measure up to them, I will never be good enough. Why be prescribe to this way of thinking leaves me awake at night wondering. Maybe because it has once again become very real in my life. I have in someway manifested the test. I have manifested the situation that can and does leave me feeling second best, insecure and not enough. Intellectually I know that this isn't the case, but the gremlin of self doubt is ever present telling me otherwise. All that is left for me to do in those moments is to cultivate the observer, the observer that doesn't judge, that watches with interest, that holds compassion for the ever present turmoil of our emotional landscape. The part of me that isn't ruled by my thoughts and therefore my emotions, the part of me that lives in divinity and knows who and what I truly am, that spirit I was born with and will die with to live on past this vessel that it inhabits now.
Most of the time this observer eludes me and I allow myself to be caught up in the waves of my illusionary inner sanctum, that is meant to bring me peace, but just leave we spiraling down this whirlpool that part of me desires to create. Do I create this to feel something, to know that I am alive, does pain define my connection to what I seem to think is the life force? Don't I realise that feeling alive lies in the observer, the one filled with compassion, non-judgement and soft heart felt gentleness. Instead of picking up that stick to once again to beat myself up for being so stupid.
After everything I have been through, everything I have learnt, experienced and know, you would think that this has become easier for me, and I suppose there are those moments where I am riding on the gentle wave of knowing, of wisdom. The gentle, cooling wave that soothes my soul and brings life to it once again. But just like water as soon as I want and feel the need to grab onto it, it falls through my fingers with effortless ease, to leave me with a barren, scorched landscape to rest in.
Where there is turmoil, create stillness and what you think you are seeing will change in a breathless moment.

Am I second best? Am I good enough? Am I worthy of being loved? Am I.........What am I?

I leave you with the question, what does your landscape look like and feel like this moment.

Love and light
Andrethia