3 years is far too long!!! Part one of the relationship solution.

 How can one let three years past without documenting through such a creative output like writing on ones blog. My pepsicles wow hasn't time just flown past, it seems the more the years progress in this life the quicker time can just pass on by. I suppose we all get focused on these busy, full lives that we have created. However self-reflection and introspection are a must for us to gather the lessons that we have been given and hopefully taken on to learn. For this I must confess, I have lapsed considerably in the creative pursuits these last few years. I think that can often happen when you feel you are often putting out fires. Though that is not an excuse just a reflection and a reminder that no matter what is going on in life allowing yourself 1 hour a week for an creative outlet leads to greater emotional health.
So here I am rewriting the flawed choice I made three years ago to stop writing in this blog. This is the ride of life darlings, experienced through my eyes, heart and soul. What a roller-coaster ride it has been. For those of you who know me this is just what you expect I suppose, though it seems to regularly shock me how much I have and can manifest the roller ride into my life. I would think I would be use to it by now, but hey I don't claim to the sharpest tool in the shed. I must confess that this has come on the heels of a dear friend of my Jen making a comment that if I wrote a blog then she would be the first one to sign up as she feels she gains quite a bit from the chats that we have. That then got me thinking about this old thing that I had left behind, so I decided to dust off my blog typing fingers and access the wisdom, intuition, stories, experiences and continuously evolving thought paradigm and start once again.
The question I often start with is what the hell to write about, especially as these pages have been dormant for rather a long period of time. Then again it always comes, whatever is building up inside of me that requires an outlet eventually comes to the surface if I ramble enough. Maybe this is the rambling part and the inspiration will come to the surface in a wave of pulsating energy, crying out to be put fourth from these fingers. Or maybe just maybe this will be the introduction only.

What is rather new for me is that I started this course called 'The relationship solution' put together by two amazingly shinning souls Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks. My husband came across their book 'Conscious Loving' some three to four years ago. Once he read it and raved about it I took to devouring the pages. Since we both agree and treasure all that they have to teach I thought it was about time that I true took to the task of improving my marriage and other bonded relationships in my life. Therefore I started their 6 weeks course last week and have already had some profound realisations. The first week is all about Commitment, yes that word that can cause some of us to sweat profusely. What they have you do is look at all the areas that you find conflict in your relationship, those that you are dissatisfied with and points of contention. Once you have identified those then they take you through the thought paradigm of 100% responsibility. That if you can just for a minute consider that all these points of contention and negative experiences are because you made these unconscious commitments how every long ago to manifest these experiences into your life. Now that might sound crazy to some, but if you take a minute it really ponder this you might glimpse the wisdom in this way of thinking.
Let me give you a personal example, I have had an abandonment trigger for many years and irrespective of the reason for this I have seemingly manifested this experience in my life over and over again. When something seems to happen to you often, it is safe to say the common denominator is you. Now going by this new way of thinking this would mean that I made an unconscious commitment years ago to commit to abandonment. Now the reason isn't that important why I did this, this important part is realising. The awareness then brings about the power to change this unconscious commitment into another conscious commitment. The power is claiming the unconscious part and then consciously making a new one, one that you feel inspired to bring into your life. What a powerful but simple tool!

We've all heard the old chestnut that opposites attract, and I must say that I have first hand experience with this. Then we spend a lot of time trying to change this partner into somebody more like us. Instead of appreciating all the things that this seemingly opposite person has to teach us. That the strengths that we were attracted to in them are the areas that we ourselves need to round and strengthen in ourselves. Enabling us to remember our wholeness, that we don't lack in any area, we just some need to place more attention in cultivating what is already there. Instead of looking outside of ourselves to feel whole.
Once we reclaim these unconscious commitments and recognise that those traits that we once loved and now possibly find irritating in our partner are exactly what we require to further our own remembrance and development, a new light shines into our lives and relationship. Instead of seeing all that is wrong and continuing to participate in the same old drama, we turn inwards and ask what unconscious commitment did I make, how can I once again see the gift that this persons differences bring to my own development and what new commitment do I want to make to bring about harmony and joy in my life.

I documented 31 unconscious commitments that I became aware of and realised that I attracted just the right partner to bring all of these to light. What an amazing gift to give myself, the opportunities have been right in front of me all this time, disguised in what I thought was only the other person's issues. Now viewing the problems in my marriage this way I am able to approach them with curiosity knowing that I am gathering the tools to make profound shifts in my life of the heart. I now greatly appreciate that my husband is less social then I am, as it's a chance for me to learn from him how to find comfort and joy in being alone. That his ability to be stubborn or focused depending on how you see it, is a learning lab for me to practise cultivating increased focus. His ability to walk away from most situations isn't abandonment it's a chance for me to learn how to give myself space when I need it and the list just goes on and on. Changing the unconscious commitments I made gives me the power to create a new what it is now I want in my experience. 100 % responsibility is scary at times I can't lie, but it brings freedom of the mind just that little bit closer and allows my nervous system to regulate, calm down and breathe. Along with enhancing my marriage and other relationships. My soul has been crying out for change, my life has been presenting me the tools and truly heartbreaking nudges and now I am embracing all that is being presented for my expansion and growth.

Here's to another type of roller-coaster ride filled with adventure, fun and excitement that lights my soul and those of you who share this with me.

Many blessings on your path.

The Relationship Solution, A Life-Changing Course From The World's Leading Relationship Experts

Alone...............!

As I sit here alone, with tears of confusion, pain and numbness streaming down, with no sound, I pray for understanding to grace my form. The last 4 days I have been walking around in a continuous out of body experience. When I've been interacting with people I have managed to bring myself into the present, take myself out of the landscape of my emotions, to reveal in the marvelous life that I live, the amazing people that I am blessed with meeting, the conversations that aren't ordinary but extraordinary, that hold a depth that touches my soul. I have managed to still walk my life, but that is all I have done is manage! Why I can't shake these feelings I don't know. Why I can't find the understanding that I crave, is elusive. I have questions swirling around my head, 'did I make the wrong choice, did I allow someone to settle for second best, was I so caught up in my own happiness that I didn't see that the fantasy wasn't over?' Was I living just in hope and am I still living in hope? I want to be the reality and the fantasy! But am I just what is practical and that which makes sense? Or do I believe that I am second best, am I the consolation prize, rather than first place, and all of this is in my head, and not in the reality of the situation.
Do I leave and wait for this to be handled, dealt with and finally put to rest, and hope that after all of that I am chosen. I did that once before and once again it has come back. Will that happen again? Will it be forever here, will it always be behind that vault, or will they call it out and deal with it, so that it no longer comes between us?
I wanted my King, and I thought I had got him, but to have got that it would mean that I would have to be his queen. Am I? God I want someone to talk to about this. There just hasn't seemed to be the right moment, the right time hasn't presented its self. I know that I seem so strong to those that look in from the outside. I know that I put on an air of everything is dealt with. However at the moment, that isn't the case, my soul is crying out for someone to see me, to truly see, and want to know, want to know what is me in this moment. Most people don't see past the air of strength, they don't have the time or the want to see, and of course I understand that. They have there own worlds that they are living, with their own issues, ones that I don't pretend to know about. Is it me, do I not allow others to see me? I want to be held!

I have no wisdom to place on this page, I have no witty and intelligent conclusion to write. All that this is, is me hoping that if I write what is going on in this heart of mine it might clear the clouds of confusion, to leave a majestic blue sky, a clean canvas for inspiration and clarity to be painted on to it. As my heart listens to the song by 'Live' lightening crashes, it reminds me to feel it, and maybe that is what I haven't been doing, allowing the waves of feelings to roll and crashes, and then dissipate? All I can say to that is who knows, because I don't!

My friends, I will grace these pages once again when I have something of wisdom to write, some lesson learnt, and hopefully when clarity and understanding has passed through me.

Until then I ask you, do you have the answer to those question rolling around your heart?

Until next time
Andrethia

Fantasy!

The experience of survival is the key to the Gravity of Love.......... The path exists! To discover what it is, is the Gravity of Love. Find the one that guides you........

Is Magic just a fantasy in this life, or does it really exist? I suppose that depends on you interpretation on magic. I have a a picture in my bathroom that says 'don't deny yourself magic.....Believe'
Our minds are what create this world that we live in, and everyone has a different world. They see it through their own eyes and never are two worlds the same. Does that mean that we create our own magic by our belief in it. I truly believe that we manifest that which is present in our lives, and that leaves we wondering why I manifest certain things. Does the pain come from a unconscious need to prove to ourselves that we aren't worth it, aren't worth love, happiness, peace and joy. Does our lack of self love bring forth the pain that we experience? Do we want to punish ourselves to keep us down and wanting, continuously searching outside ourselves for external affirmation, to be told that we are deserving of love. To only then manifest situation that tell us differently! Why does it seem to be the hardest lesson in our lives, to learn to love ourselves for who and what we are, no matter what others tell us, perceive us to be or project onto us. Most people just hold a picture of who they think you are, and most of the time that isn't you, it's you seen through their eyes. At times that is enticing, esp when someone loves you, because we want to see ourselves in that light, in that way, and struggle to do so. We compete with fantasies that we create, fantasies of other people. Sometimes this can be helpful because it is a way of being that we strive towards, other times it is a way to put ourselves down. The thoughts of I can't compete with that person, I don't have the ability that they do, I will never measure up to them, I will never be good enough. Why be prescribe to this way of thinking leaves me awake at night wondering. Maybe because it has once again become very real in my life. I have in someway manifested the test. I have manifested the situation that can and does leave me feeling second best, insecure and not enough. Intellectually I know that this isn't the case, but the gremlin of self doubt is ever present telling me otherwise. All that is left for me to do in those moments is to cultivate the observer, the observer that doesn't judge, that watches with interest, that holds compassion for the ever present turmoil of our emotional landscape. The part of me that isn't ruled by my thoughts and therefore my emotions, the part of me that lives in divinity and knows who and what I truly am, that spirit I was born with and will die with to live on past this vessel that it inhabits now.
Most of the time this observer eludes me and I allow myself to be caught up in the waves of my illusionary inner sanctum, that is meant to bring me peace, but just leave we spiraling down this whirlpool that part of me desires to create. Do I create this to feel something, to know that I am alive, does pain define my connection to what I seem to think is the life force? Don't I realise that feeling alive lies in the observer, the one filled with compassion, non-judgement and soft heart felt gentleness. Instead of picking up that stick to once again to beat myself up for being so stupid.
After everything I have been through, everything I have learnt, experienced and know, you would think that this has become easier for me, and I suppose there are those moments where I am riding on the gentle wave of knowing, of wisdom. The gentle, cooling wave that soothes my soul and brings life to it once again. But just like water as soon as I want and feel the need to grab onto it, it falls through my fingers with effortless ease, to leave me with a barren, scorched landscape to rest in.
Where there is turmoil, create stillness and what you think you are seeing will change in a breathless moment.

Am I second best? Am I good enough? Am I worthy of being loved? Am I.........What am I?

I leave you with the question, what does your landscape look like and feel like this moment.

Love and light
Andrethia