Here's to Prosecco & Red Bull

It's a saturday night, and the blanket of a dark sky has fallen across London, the stars are twinkling, the planes are no longer flying over head, there is peace, well as much peace as you get in a bushling city.
My friends have gone to bed and I'm left drinking the last of my bottle of Prosecco and two cans of red bull, with Harry Connick Jr playing as melodic background music....! Sitting here with only my thoughts, my computer and my blog to keep me company, oh and of course my ciggs.
Where do I find myself on this dark enchanting night, as usual contemplating life and my tiny spark in it.

I'm thinking back to conversation that I had with a close friend of mine the other day. He pretty much said that I was man-eater....! Yes laugh because that's what I did. The words 'so how long are you going to toss this one around before you sink your claws in'! It still fascinates me how people choose to perceive others. Do they do it to satify something within side of themselves, or because they like seeing you in a certain light, or because it's what you project to the outside world?
Well let me think about me for a bit, narsosistic as it is, indulge me for a while.....!

There was a large portion of my past life that I was a man-eater, others choice of words not mine.
Hold on I need to fill my glass again, god this drink it wonderful............Now that didn't take that long!

I use to play the game, and I was a great player in it. Hey it was fun at the time, and I enjoyed it. But then I wanted the power. The power of intoxication, enticement and the forbidden fruit, becuase I was forbidden. I was the women u could never get, I was the wild girl you wanted, and more importantly wanted to tame. I was unpredictable and the unknown! I was the temptress, the goddess and the bitch.
What happened, well for one I grew up and started to realise that I wanted more meaningful relationships, two I started to become aware how my actions hurt the men I choose, three the game lost it's appeal, it became an empty persuit of happiness. Because power isn't happiness, it's just that power. The game became old and unfulfilling.
The question is do old habits die hard?

Faith....!

The Majestic, Magnificent Sun shines everyday,

the Haunting, Empowering Moon bathes us every night,

There isn't a doubt in the mind that they aren't there,

They only get obscured by the clouds

Arrr The Mountains Do A Call......

Last night I got back from Zermatt in Switzerland.
Skiing in the Swiss Alps there is defiantly nothing to complain about in my life..!

The scene was majestic, daunting, awe imposing mountains surrounding my place of dwelling for a week. To wake to a sunny day, with snow covered mountains knowing that I will be exploring them with skies strapped to my feet was energising and fulfilling. Throwing myself down steep slopes, you would think to be a nerve racking thought, but oh no, quite the opposite, it sparkles instead with the offer of fun, I said it fun and adrenaline! I haven't quite given up my adrenaline addiction, even after all of the injuries I have incurred in my years of pursuit of FUN.

There was 6 of us in our party, staying in a very modern posh chalet. For those of you who haven't skied in Europe, a chalet isn't anything like a hotel, it's more like an apartment with your own cook and cleaner.

We had a team of 3 that looked after us, oh how privileged I felt. We had Dave our Chalet host, who was chirpy every morning. For those that know me morning aren't exactly my most spectacular talkative times, though he seemed to manage to bring it out in me. He cooked breakfast everyday, made tea and coffee and provided wonderful banter. Then prepared a cake each day for us to fill our empty bellies after a long day of skiing, well long day is an overestimation as we didn't usually set out until about 10am, though I was chomping at the bit from about 7.30am, we'll bypass this for a minute!

Then in the evening we had an amazing 3 course dinner cooked for us, absolute bliss!
The other two guys were Phil and Abbey, Phil was the resort manager. So all of our strange request he had to achieve and he so kindly delivered the newspapers every morning, always with a smile and an infectious laugh.
Abbey was the ski host and we took advantage of that for one day. She took myself, Dad and Peter out on a glorious day of long ski runs and Dad and Peter took us out for a very long lunch, much to my disgust, but appreciated all the same.

I was so glad to have Peter and Dad along on this trip as their thirst for skiing was nearly as great as mine, but not quite, though I have to give them their dues as they are a lot older then I and have been doing this for a lot longer. I'm sure that when I get to their stage in life I will also start a little later and finish a little earlier. Dad did give me one day of starting on time, which was wonderful, him and I even skied later then the others, with a sneaky drink at the end of the day.

I didn't go out at all until the last night of the holiday and trust me I made up for it. It was Rugby day, with 6 hours worth of rugby to watch, heaven I tell you. So I frequented a lovely small bar called Potters, and proceeded to sit there was nearly the full extent of those 6 hours. I do love the English in those circumstances. I spent a few of those hours on my own, and I had so many people come and talk me, share in the shouting at the TV, I swear they can hear you, and I had drinks bought for me. Lovely guys to look at and talk to, so again I was in heaven. It doesn't get much better then that, rugby to watch, men to look at, wonderful people to talk to, drinks bought for you, and fellow supporters to shout at the TV with.

This was a warm up to a very joyful long night out. Juliet and I had to rush back for dinner, esp as we knew Dave would have spent hours cooking for us, and the others would be waiting for us. SI we bide our new found friends for the hours in the pub goodbye and rushed back. We were greeted with a lovely dinner great dinner conversation and an offer to go out afterwards.

Juliet and I rolled out of the Chalet, as the food was wonderful just a lot, and made our way to a part of town we hadn't been to, to meet Phil and Abbey for drinks. We ended up at the T-Bar celebrating Saint Paddy's day and my godson's 3rd B'Day. I consumed JD and coke, oh the sweet nectar! Everyone left and Phil and I were left to continue getting to know each other. We ended up sitting on a pair of swings until 4am chatting away. He provided fantastic company, and fine scenery. At 4am I had to end the rondavue as I was due to get up at 6am to leave for the land of London. I would have stayed up all night with him otherwise.

All in all the week was amazing, great company, thank you mum dad, Peter, Helen and Juliet. The sun shone everyday the skiing wasn't taxing but great all the same. My ski boots finally on the last day stopped causing me cramp in the feet, I can't tell you how grateful I was for that. We laughed a lot, throw ourselves down mountains, drank and eat a lot, meet wonderful new people and just enjoyed each others company immensely.

Phil don't forget those surfing lessons you promised to give me down in Devon and get that kite boarding done. I look forward to the adventures with you to come.

Dave look after that knee, and make sure you actually start eating properly, I was acupuncturist for a day so make sure you do it.

So I'm left with Laryngitis a nasty cough, a longing to once again be surrounded by a mountainous range, wonderful memories of several moments in time and a deep sense of gratitude of what life continues to give me.

I leave you now, I raise my cigg to you (yes I know I shouldn't be smoking) and say welcome everything that life throws at you, because it brings colour and magic into your life.

The Brain is on go slow.......

I completely forgot in my rush to update you that I haven't told you certain things, so hold on to your hats and lets start this all over again.......no sighing now!

I should have told you about a little visit that Andi and I had from a dear friend of hers Joe, or as I like to call him Joesaphinus, you can guess that he doesn't like that, esp being a South African man, oops sorry Joe it's just so fitting.
I did try and explain to him that in this circle of friends you don't seem to have Vito on nicknames. Like mine, which range from the logical to the total abstract. Let me give you a few examples:
The most prevalent one at the moment seems to be Google, short for google plexy, thanks Jimilicious!
The there is Lex 'n' Boots, Jason is responsible for that one
Lexicon
Lexual, I like to think this one is based on intellectual, but who am I kidding
Butterfly
etc etc etc
So Joesaphinus you're just going to have to get use to it, eventually you'll realise that none of us come up with nicknames unless you're worthy, and that is some tough criteria you have to meet to hold that position.

Anyway I digress.......Back on track now.

So Joesaphinus had come directly from a quite ship on the equator to the lively and talkative house of Andi & Lexy. Oh I did feel sorry for him, but not sorry enough to tone it down. Andi and I both took time off work and we showed him around.

We went to Canterbury Cathedral for a day, wow that place is amazing. Like with most of English Cathedral is built on a layline, which is an energy line. Oh boy can you feel that! The place is just pumping with energy, you enter it and instantly become awe struck. The craftsmanship is breathe taking, check out my flickr site to see. Though my photographic ability doesn't do it any justice, but you'll get the idea.
It was pissing it down with rain all day, yes the typical English spring weather, it just can't make up it's mind what it wants to be.
After the cathedral we went shopping. I've never meet a man who can shop as much as Joesaphinus, well apart from Kyle. Though it must be said that I'm not even close to being a chick shopper. Actually if truth be told I don't much like it, esp browsing, you'll find me in the pub or cafe over the road instead.

Then a Bath trip was on the agenda, not the object but the city. Andi's sis lives there and we went for some family time and a psychic reading. The lovely Joe (ok I'm getting tired of writing out his long nickname, yes Joe you win on this one) paid for our readings as a gift for having him for a week, I know what a sweetheart.
We all came out of our readings kind of jolted, though in a good way. She was spot on and it will be interesting to see if what she envisioned comes to pass, but lets say that we're not dwelling on it. It's far more fun to forget it and then when it happens be quietly satisfied!

After the readings we then headed out to Longleat, which is an old English manor house, with a safari park. The history to that is the last time Andi and I tried to go, we missed the last car entry for the safari park by 5 mins, Jen tried to work her womanly ways but the man was having none of it, he must have been gay!!
So this time I made sure we got there well before 5pm. We actually got there at 3.30pm, so in my mind we had time to spare. Just before we set out Andi's sis Niki asked whether we had checked it was even open, I said of course it's open! Though I didn't realise that the times had changed.
Lets just say that once again we missed the last car entry, cause this time it was at 2pm, oh shit!!! No safari today then and I was so looking forward to see the lions, tigers, wolves, rhinos etc etc, though never the monkey enclosure. The last time I went in their the little buggers tried to destroy my car and I nearly ran them over, thank goodness my friend persuaded me not to, sorry little monkeys, lets just say it was a momentary lapse in judgement.

So we ended up just taking a look around the house grounds, as the house was also closed, bad timing I tell you. Next time Joe I promise we'll make it....! I'll even check the times out before we leave.

Then on the Sat the guys drag me down to Zulus, which is a south african bar in fulham. I've never been, never wanted to go as it's a meat market and def not my scene. The rugby was playing there so that was the only way they could persuade me to go. Then England lost to Ireland, shit! Though I'm half Irish so it wasn't a complete lose.
I was getting ready to leave after just having enough of the general meat market feel and then our friends Jouls and Liam turned up, so I stayed a little longer. Then the most bizarre thing happened, I got dragged down stairs to the other dance floor, and they we're playing old classic house and techno, oh my god it was awesome. Andi I spent the rest of the night dancing our arses off, while Joe kissed the face of a girl for a while, to then try and make up some drunken misunderstanding for the rest of it. See why I don't frequent that place.

All in all we had a wonderful time all together, we were called the trinity for the week, and it was like that, we did everything together. I even think Joe got use to Andi and I's unusual high energy levels, well at least after we had our morning coffee.

So Joesaphinus you are welcome anytime babes, it was an absoulte pleasure having you around. I raise my cigg to you and say bring it on, cause it will be better then next time round. Just make sure you come and visit when you're off to work rather then leaving it.

Oh and also bring on those long indepth conversations we touched on, I have much more in me!!!!

It is time the walrus said to think of many things.......

I know rather bizarre to be quoting from Alice in Wonderland, but my life has the twist of the bizarre so it's rather fitting!

As I sit here munching on cashew nuts, yes yes the healthy life, wait for it..... smoking my ciggerates and drinking a hot cup of wonderful builders tea, you guessed it not always so healthy, I realised that I have been woefully neglecting my blogger pepsicles (peps)!

How rude of me, so to recify this garsly wrong, I've put down the cashews! Well of course I haven't put out my cigg or placed my hot caffine aside, now who do you think I am.......! Best not answer that one, or even think on it. Ok that sorted out, I'm ready to start letting you into my world for a moment in time.

I got back from another marvelous trip to the otherside of the pond (USA) in early Feb, and since then life in this colourful city has been, lets say, interesting...!
It feels like I've slipped into a new pair of shoes and I'm in the process of wearing them in. I've been away for the majority of the last 6 months, and I'm having to start certian things all over again. Certain of my very close friends have moved on to their greener pastures, both couples are newly engaged and life is starting a new chapter for them. The feelings are mixed, ones of true happiness for I've never seen them so excited & energised, and then there are the ones of missing. I could call it losing, though we never lose anything it just transforms into something different. The appreciation never ceases, it just becomes from a far! The good news is that I have even more people to visit around this globe, oh adventure, adventure there is nothing better.

You see that is what happens when you live in a city of transit. We all get to about 7-8 years and have this pull to discover something new in a new place of resisdence. The sometimes annoying thing is that those places seem to be different for all of us, but the upside is that we will once again find another sense of happiness. I can't talk myself as I've got thoughts of leaving and finding myself in another country, oh yes the gypsy blood is pumping through my veins once again and the feet are itching! This time moving within this city just isn't going to cut it.
..................Tangent..................
Ok I've finished my cup of tea, oh you getting up, great I take mine milky with one sugar, make sure it's unrefined sugar. Yes yes I know I'm demanding, but what can ya do...!

So with the mindset of moving on, I've had to make a few changes and one of them is to do with my business. Yes people I do actually work!
I've opted for setting up my practice at home. Finally those that where using my study as a storing unit have come and collected their stuff, so I am free, free of their clutter, to then fill it with mine hehehehehe.
Andi (my wonderful house mate) and I spent the whole of sunday evening setting up the study as a practice room for my acupuncture and her waxing, oh yes pain is inflicted in that room, but all for the good of those that enter it. No no we're not sadises, I pormise! So no clinic for me at the moment anyway. Knowing my life you can never be certain as things change in a second, but for now I'm all setup.
The other development is that I'm playing wife during the week. Andi doesn't get back from work until 9pm, so I've taken it upon myself to create a relaxing atmosphere and some yummy dinners. Ok ok I know you didn't realise I can cook, you see I told you there are depths to me you haven't discovered yet, huh you should trust me from now on, when I tell you I'm a dark horse, named black Jack, well beauty has already been taken...! I still enjoy a corona when I'm cooking, JD what have you done to me, you've created something, I'm not sure what yet.

What else have I been embarking on, oh watching my bestmate changing into a actor, oh yes the drama queen is starting to emerge to the surface level, check it out www.jessiestephens2000.com
She's playing at the Globe on the 31st March, oh dear lord it's wonderful. I can't tell you how proud I am of her, you go and get them babes, the acting world isn't going to know what hit them. You are the brain and I am pinky in this one!

I've finally got my arse back to gym, and oh isn't he cruel to me. Didn't I mention I was in the states for nearly 6 months, so you can understand why I need to go....! I know I'm not over weight girls, but the tone has waved goodbye and I want it back. Tone is fickle you know, you always have to pay attention to her, otherwise she feels rejected and buggers off, bloody hell it can be work. So I'm feeling great and energised and these bodies of ours are built for sitting around all the time. If you want energy you have to expend it!

How can I forget....! Fire me now, but then rehire me cause I don't deal with rejection well, anyway it's in the contract so no getting away from it.
I'm off skiing in Zermatt on Sunday! Europe hasn't had the best season, but I'm hoping for snow and sun, we can dream right?! Spending 1 week with my folks is going to be fab, as I've seen very little of them in 6 months, yes mum I know I've been slack. I'm going to be getting my father out of the apre skiing and back on the slopes, ok so he's not that bad, but I have to find something to rib him about. I think I'm going regret it, as he'll put me through my paces now, oh I bring it on myself, please no sympathy, actually give me all you can.

Ok I said I was going to write a blog not a novel. I'll grace you with my life again soon, well once something interesting has happened anyway. Otherwise you'll just have to be satisfied with my emotional blog enteries, yes I know I'm a tree hugger really, but disguised as a black clothing wearing, tatooed, pierced softy!

Until next time my friends, I once again raise my cigg to you and say dream because we are each the creator of our own worlds. So from my world to yours, thank you for have a peek.

Family

So I've been sitting here for the last 2 days, granted feeling just a little but sorry for myself, as I caught the cold lurgy, yuck! Felt like death warmed up yesterday and now today the sun was shinning, so the mood and cold decided to transform into something a little more pleasant....!

Today I've had a lot of time by myself, with my own thoughts, dangerous I hear you saying, too true. I have that feeling for myself 'run for the hills she's thinking'...! I'm sure my ex's can attest to that philosophy.
There is a down side to this thinking business and that is intellectualising emotions, and therefore separating them out. Oh yes don't be fooled, I am a mistress of that, separating out is what I do, it even scares me sometimes how good I am at it. I had somebody say to me once (a guy that I had strong feelings for, & still do) that I play the friend card very well. All I could think to that one was touche!

However lately I must admit that those aspects of my life that where once separate are coming into a place that I can only call unity. Now those of you that know me, would never have thought that, I would have had the crazy notion that you can either have a career or love, or that I could either have a relationship that was easy or challenging. I wouldn't have thought that I was such a person, and when it was first put to me, I said of course you can have both, because life is and and not or or!
Newsflash apparently my subconscious had a different game plan. I had been thinking that I couldn't have love and a career, oh my god, me the liberal, it shocked me down to my core. Which is exactly what it should have done. Then today I realised that I have thought that a relationship can either be easy, something that makes you breathe or it can be challenging but not truly both. This comes from my ability to separate everything, hence I separate out myself. How can I have both? Is there really a man out there that can hold my interest for long enough. Don't get me wrong I am loyal and sometimes stick relationships out longer then they should exist. I have in the past allowed myself to be beaten around emotional because of that loyality and ability to separate out. My ex use to call me pup, short for puppy, I can now see that there was more to it then me being cute, please don't pass that around, cute isn't something I like being referred to as, but I digress. I have been like a puppy, you can kick me, beat me down, but I still come back wagging my tail with the hopes that you will play with me again.
The question that I posed to myself was, is that because I forgive, and therefore forget, or is it that I separate out the good from the bad, and then shelf what I don't want? Forgiving as I've touched on before is forgeting the lesson but remembering the teaching. Therefore I have to conclude that I'm either a huge sadist (which could be a large possibility) or I've learnt to separate out things too well.

Tangent...............

The real reason for writing tonight is to talk about family. Not the family we are born into but family that we choose in our lives, ie our closest friends that seem to surpass that word, therefore the only word I can come up with is family. I have a saying that nothing comes in between family, that includes the people that make up the family. Wrongs can be done, emotions can be hurt, but that doesn't break up your family ties, it can suspend them for a while, for the acts to be forgiven and the ties to be picked up again.

Now I am the luckiest person, as I have many that I can call family. I been blessed with amazing connections this life time, ones that have that forever feel about them. When I say forever I mean that next lifetime (that is if I have one) we will once again be in each others life, and have been in out past lives.

These bonds can be known instantly or they can develop over time. As I'm sitting here I can only think of 5 people that I've had that instant bond with, and that is wow enough. First is my sister Jess, it's been a 17yr relationship, and it's a closer bond then blood. Then there is Kyle who was once my boyfriend and now is my brother, though we do like to switch roles, between mother and son and father and daughter. There's Jason who is a warrior brother, that was definitely illustrated for me when we went to native American burial mounds. The last but by no means least there is JD & Chris, blood brothers themselves. Chris feels like a son to me, and I have extreme maternal instincts and feelings towards that wonderful man, and then there is JD. What can I say about this man, there is a very large chance that he is my twin brother reincarnated!
JD, Chris & I have always been family in our past lives and I knew that as soon as I meet them. However in this life time can that bond break, or can one or the other refuse to act or recognise what is staring you straight in the face?