What are words!!!

Do words really give you anything?
What would you think when somebody says they won't hurt you or that they don't want to hurt you?
Would you allow yourself to own those words? Would you believe them? Would you trust in those statements?
Now it's my experince that those things can never be promised, all we can ask for or hope to hear is, I have no intention to hurt you. However we hurt each other from one moment to the next with hopefully many joyful moments inbetween.
This time those moments when those words where said it felt so real, so my heart owned them. How can you own somebody elses words? You can't! That is one lesson to learn, because in the next breath all that has been spoken about it has been twisted and forgotten. Everything changes, and that happens within seconds and sometimes it doesn't even take that long.

When you have meet somebody that your intuition tells you understands you, it adds an extra couple of inchs to your wingspan, your soar higher and fly faster. It aids the transformation from the lone wolf to the eagle. So I ask you how can somebody get it so wrong. It's not a problem getting it wrong as we learn from everything, we grow, we go inwards and then we come out stronger.

I've heard recently that somebody that I gave a fragile part of myself to, apart of me they held in their hand, said that I was bad news! You go through life realising that most people hold up a photo of what they think is you, and you know that it's a distant cousin, a siberling or somebody not even related like a random person on the street. However once in a million moments somebody comes along that you believe holds the true photo of you, then that all comes crumberling down, the photo is set on fire, for the ashes to fall at your feet, for the wind to blow those ashes into the universe lost again for another million moments.

To answer the statement, which of course I don't have to do, but I'll indulge that person for a while. I'm bad news............not at all! I'm a challenge for those people that fate places me into their lives. I push boundaries, they end up looking internally at those things they had shut away for another day, I am a catalyist, I feel intensely and end up bringing that out in others. Maybe all of this can be classed as bad news, I suppose it depends on your perspective. Those people I care about, I care about deeply and I hope that I bring only joy, growth and honesty.

I'm tried with people stating things about me that aren't true, aren't well thought about and are only a projection of their own fear. I know one day there will be a partner out there for me who doesn't play games, doesn't only see me as this strong women, but realises that my heart isn't something to play with, that honesty will be respected and most importantly I will be respect enough to be told what truely is going on. I'm not a ragdoll to be played with and tossed around.

After all of this which I will write in parts I'm on my way to forgiving. I will not be part of this persons guilt cycle, however there are alway consequences to actions and actions force others involved to make choices that they might not have made previously. I understand the push and pull thing, however I've never done it with words, and now I know why. I don't have a problem with somebody running away, I know the gesture I've done it more times then I care to divulge, I understand where it comes from and why it is done, it's done out of fear!

Anyway I will continue to write this story, the next entry will be from the start and I will probably jump around alot, but you'll get the idea.

Words...................!