At the moment I haven't been great with giving you basic updates to where I am in the world and what the hell I'm up to.
So here goes, just a brief synopsis!
On the 1st Jan I booked a last minute ticket to Denver, Colorado, hence my nickname lastminute.com. Fly out on the 5th Jan to arrive to a fab snow storm. They had 4 storms in 4 weeks and I got to be part of two of them. On the morning after I arrived the snow was soooo glorious that just walking to the high street, or mall street as they call it over here, was an experience of not falling arse over tit, and trying to focus on the cars and people rather then salivating over the powder snow, oh I should have been skiing. Yes I went to the Rockie mountains and didn't go skiing, how I hear you ask, I don't even know myself, all I have to say is WTF WTF pepsicles.
What did I do while I was there, well hung out with Friends of mine, caught up with people I hadn't seen for a couple of months, tried to find ghost towns, which after two tries found out that there aren't any abandoned ghost towns in CO, what the hell! There are the old mining towns etc but they have been repopulated. Tried several times to go to the stockyards show, which is horse jumping, rodeo, sheep riding (for kids of course), and all those country type things, some might class them redneck, but what the hell I love it! Put me in a pair of jeans, cowboy boots, a cowboy hat and a horse ranch and I'm as happy as pig in shit. Oh yes I took a look at some houses, walked nearly ever morning along the gorgeous river in boulder heading into the mountains. Drank not enough JD and coke, but smoked enough ciggs, played pool and kicked some arse. Spent alot of time at the most wonderful cafe called the bookend on Pearl street in Boulder, so I drank alot of coffee.
How can you go wrong coffee, ciggs and JD and coke, sounds like a perfect time to me..........! Maybe just maybe my priorities might be jaded, but as I'm jaded it all fits like a glove.
Had a wonderful time with my Mission Wolf buddy Rach, she had a great time and got a lot of sex, which I can verify, as my room was above hers, and damn I wish the airlines supplied you with earplugs these days heheheheheh
Her and I spent alot of time with Jonathan, and it was amazing to catch up with him. All we did was laugh and JD and I sneaking out for ciggs, as in the whole state of CO you can't smoke inside, and us die hard smokers don't even let that stop us, from getting the nicotine goodness!
Left Boulder, I really have to crowbar myself out of that place, but as the valet guys at the hotel said to me, see you very soon Miss Weir, I said not for a while and they returned with oh we know you can't stay away, the bastards are right damnit!!! Finally got myself onto the plane set for Atlanta and warmer weather, my gorgeous godson and my fabulous friends Amy & Tony, and who can forget my gorgeous crazy Lauren. Second night I was there Amy finally took me Cowboys. I'm gonna have to write a separate section on that night and that bar, wow never knew that line dancing could be sexy, but dear lord girls those men wooooohooooo!
Hired a car and drove down to middle florida, a place called wildwood and let me tell you it's anything but wild. Got to see Jason and meet his grandmother, oh what a kind lady, you don't get Any of her type anymore, what a privilege it was to meet her.
Kidnapped him, or should I say he kidnapped me and took me down to Epcot center, disney world oh disney world how beautiful thou art! Oh I felt like a kid again, ok ok so I haven't really grown up, so it's a wonderful thing that other grown ups think about making these theme parks for all of us to play in, and to be able to turn around and say well it's because it's disney world. Oh yes my friends we have an excuse, so abuse it!
I slept in the back of my car, camped another night in a place called crystal river, did a duck and roll drive by when dropping off Jason. What a wonderful man! Drove out of my comfort zone for 5 hours ie used cruise control arrrrrrrrrrr still can't get use to it. It was a good thing because it meant that no cop (popo) was pulling me over.
Now I"m back in Atlanta until Friday when I head back out to Florida, but this time to Miami to see Myke. Typical Lexy luck, it's superbowl weekend and just take one guess where it is being held, oh you guessed it right, South Florida. Therefore the accommodation that is available is like $500 a night and up. So Lexy is going to be going to campground and sleeping in her car in the Everglades national forest, but you never know I might report that I got a jammy deal at a 5star hotel and had a luxurious couple of days.
I'll be checking in soon!
As I'm sitting her smoking my cigg I raise it to you my friends and say until we meet again, jump on that roller coaster and don't get off.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
After The Words.........!
The hurt has subsided and I have forgiven, and realised that it isn't personal! What am I now doing about love, this I ask myself everyday?
It's still here for me,
I'm getting on with my life,
Not worrying about what another is doing,
That part of myself they haven't lost, it's there,
My friendship will always be given,
The final chance is here
Who's to say whether that has a time limit, I don't think it does
Though once taken and perhaps discarded then that will be final
I'm faithful and believing in what is meant will be
So have I given up on love, not a chance in hell
All I'm doing is just getting on with other aspects of my life until they wake up or I do
Because this is all just our own little universes
We are all our own suns with the rest just cycling around us
Though now I'm sharing my sky with another sun, two universes crossed over each other for a time, sharing half of what is theirs to become one in that amount, with the rest of their universe still theirs to play with.
That other suns brightness has dimmed, grown a little further away, but has not disappeared, We're still sharing part of our universes
It's a push pull thing and who better to understand that then I
The push wasn't great enough for our two suns to disengage, just a little distance is obviously needed.
It still brings light into my life and warmth into my body and soul
Like those summer days when the suns heat has been intense, then it gets a little bit later, the suns intensity decreases slightly. You don't walk away from that, you don't get hurt or angry, you enjoy the transition put a T-shirt on and some comfy pants, continue to lay there allowing the cool breeze to caress your skin, you breathe and surrender to the temporary change from yang to yin, knowing that yang is coming again soon. Making sure that is just a little thought in the back of your mind so as not take anything away from this moment now!
I'm enjoying the ride
Thank you for the continuing lessons
Especially reasling that boundaries don't have to be enforced aggressively, you just have to place them there gently, though sturdy enough for them not to waver. You don't have to always state them, your actions speak clearer then any verbal dialogue. You make it a flowing process not static or final, it's the flow of the sea before hitting land, and even then there is a gentle process from sea to land.
Let it flow!
It's still here for me,
I'm getting on with my life,
Not worrying about what another is doing,
That part of myself they haven't lost, it's there,
My friendship will always be given,
The final chance is here
Who's to say whether that has a time limit, I don't think it does
Though once taken and perhaps discarded then that will be final
I'm faithful and believing in what is meant will be
So have I given up on love, not a chance in hell
All I'm doing is just getting on with other aspects of my life until they wake up or I do
Because this is all just our own little universes
We are all our own suns with the rest just cycling around us
Though now I'm sharing my sky with another sun, two universes crossed over each other for a time, sharing half of what is theirs to become one in that amount, with the rest of their universe still theirs to play with.
That other suns brightness has dimmed, grown a little further away, but has not disappeared, We're still sharing part of our universes
It's a push pull thing and who better to understand that then I
The push wasn't great enough for our two suns to disengage, just a little distance is obviously needed.
It still brings light into my life and warmth into my body and soul
Like those summer days when the suns heat has been intense, then it gets a little bit later, the suns intensity decreases slightly. You don't walk away from that, you don't get hurt or angry, you enjoy the transition put a T-shirt on and some comfy pants, continue to lay there allowing the cool breeze to caress your skin, you breathe and surrender to the temporary change from yang to yin, knowing that yang is coming again soon. Making sure that is just a little thought in the back of your mind so as not take anything away from this moment now!
I'm enjoying the ride
Thank you for the continuing lessons
Especially reasling that boundaries don't have to be enforced aggressively, you just have to place them there gently, though sturdy enough for them not to waver. You don't have to always state them, your actions speak clearer then any verbal dialogue. You make it a flowing process not static or final, it's the flow of the sea before hitting land, and even then there is a gentle process from sea to land.
Let it flow!
Thursday, January 25, 2007
What are words!!!
Do words really give you anything?
What would you think when somebody says they won't hurt you or that they don't want to hurt you?
Would you allow yourself to own those words? Would you believe them? Would you trust in those statements?
Now it's my experince that those things can never be promised, all we can ask for or hope to hear is, I have no intention to hurt you. However we hurt each other from one moment to the next with hopefully many joyful moments inbetween.
This time those moments when those words where said it felt so real, so my heart owned them. How can you own somebody elses words? You can't! That is one lesson to learn, because in the next breath all that has been spoken about it has been twisted and forgotten. Everything changes, and that happens within seconds and sometimes it doesn't even take that long.
When you have meet somebody that your intuition tells you understands you, it adds an extra couple of inchs to your wingspan, your soar higher and fly faster. It aids the transformation from the lone wolf to the eagle. So I ask you how can somebody get it so wrong. It's not a problem getting it wrong as we learn from everything, we grow, we go inwards and then we come out stronger.
I've heard recently that somebody that I gave a fragile part of myself to, apart of me they held in their hand, said that I was bad news! You go through life realising that most people hold up a photo of what they think is you, and you know that it's a distant cousin, a siberling or somebody not even related like a random person on the street. However once in a million moments somebody comes along that you believe holds the true photo of you, then that all comes crumberling down, the photo is set on fire, for the ashes to fall at your feet, for the wind to blow those ashes into the universe lost again for another million moments.
To answer the statement, which of course I don't have to do, but I'll indulge that person for a while. I'm bad news............not at all! I'm a challenge for those people that fate places me into their lives. I push boundaries, they end up looking internally at those things they had shut away for another day, I am a catalyist, I feel intensely and end up bringing that out in others. Maybe all of this can be classed as bad news, I suppose it depends on your perspective. Those people I care about, I care about deeply and I hope that I bring only joy, growth and honesty.
I'm tried with people stating things about me that aren't true, aren't well thought about and are only a projection of their own fear. I know one day there will be a partner out there for me who doesn't play games, doesn't only see me as this strong women, but realises that my heart isn't something to play with, that honesty will be respected and most importantly I will be respect enough to be told what truely is going on. I'm not a ragdoll to be played with and tossed around.
After all of this which I will write in parts I'm on my way to forgiving. I will not be part of this persons guilt cycle, however there are alway consequences to actions and actions force others involved to make choices that they might not have made previously. I understand the push and pull thing, however I've never done it with words, and now I know why. I don't have a problem with somebody running away, I know the gesture I've done it more times then I care to divulge, I understand where it comes from and why it is done, it's done out of fear!
Anyway I will continue to write this story, the next entry will be from the start and I will probably jump around alot, but you'll get the idea.
Words...................!
What would you think when somebody says they won't hurt you or that they don't want to hurt you?
Would you allow yourself to own those words? Would you believe them? Would you trust in those statements?
Now it's my experince that those things can never be promised, all we can ask for or hope to hear is, I have no intention to hurt you. However we hurt each other from one moment to the next with hopefully many joyful moments inbetween.
This time those moments when those words where said it felt so real, so my heart owned them. How can you own somebody elses words? You can't! That is one lesson to learn, because in the next breath all that has been spoken about it has been twisted and forgotten. Everything changes, and that happens within seconds and sometimes it doesn't even take that long.
When you have meet somebody that your intuition tells you understands you, it adds an extra couple of inchs to your wingspan, your soar higher and fly faster. It aids the transformation from the lone wolf to the eagle. So I ask you how can somebody get it so wrong. It's not a problem getting it wrong as we learn from everything, we grow, we go inwards and then we come out stronger.
I've heard recently that somebody that I gave a fragile part of myself to, apart of me they held in their hand, said that I was bad news! You go through life realising that most people hold up a photo of what they think is you, and you know that it's a distant cousin, a siberling or somebody not even related like a random person on the street. However once in a million moments somebody comes along that you believe holds the true photo of you, then that all comes crumberling down, the photo is set on fire, for the ashes to fall at your feet, for the wind to blow those ashes into the universe lost again for another million moments.
To answer the statement, which of course I don't have to do, but I'll indulge that person for a while. I'm bad news............not at all! I'm a challenge for those people that fate places me into their lives. I push boundaries, they end up looking internally at those things they had shut away for another day, I am a catalyist, I feel intensely and end up bringing that out in others. Maybe all of this can be classed as bad news, I suppose it depends on your perspective. Those people I care about, I care about deeply and I hope that I bring only joy, growth and honesty.
I'm tried with people stating things about me that aren't true, aren't well thought about and are only a projection of their own fear. I know one day there will be a partner out there for me who doesn't play games, doesn't only see me as this strong women, but realises that my heart isn't something to play with, that honesty will be respected and most importantly I will be respect enough to be told what truely is going on. I'm not a ragdoll to be played with and tossed around.
After all of this which I will write in parts I'm on my way to forgiving. I will not be part of this persons guilt cycle, however there are alway consequences to actions and actions force others involved to make choices that they might not have made previously. I understand the push and pull thing, however I've never done it with words, and now I know why. I don't have a problem with somebody running away, I know the gesture I've done it more times then I care to divulge, I understand where it comes from and why it is done, it's done out of fear!
Anyway I will continue to write this story, the next entry will be from the start and I will probably jump around alot, but you'll get the idea.
Words...................!
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