An update!

I'm still here in the states, well I came back! My life has been a roller coaster ride of note recently............Where do you start!

Well as I always say just pick a point!

Therefore with that in mind, lets start from where I am at the moment which is here.........
I'm sitting in a cafe in downtown Boulder, looking for a place to rent, so I can have a base!

Yes that is right I'm giving up my base in London, scary I here you ask! Yes it is! For more reason then just that one. My life over here isn't lets say filled with stability, and yes that might be due to the fact that I don't have a base, a home, something I can call my own. However life and truth be told myself are throwing all types of things in my path. Am I not listening to where I'm meant to be, what I'm meant to be doing???? Maybe!!! However I'm trying to do the best I can with the information that I have at hand.

Why do we hold on so tight when all it ends up doing is caging our own natural wild spirit? Why do we look for security outside of ourselves, when the real security lies within us? I can tell you that I am tired, emotionally tired. Why do we choose deviations is our paths that don't serve us, probably because there are valuable lessons in those small paths off the main track. I realise that my consistency lies in the fact that I am flexible and forever moving and changing, however how do we find stability in that? Does stability translate as security? In this life of emotions which are insecure, forever oscillating, what can be our grounding force? Our own ability to be ok with forever changing environment internally and externally. To have faith that everything is how it should be, and it will all work out eventually, even though we might not be privy to it straight away.

What I am living at the moment is my choice, and what comes with that is responsibility. Gone are the days when we could blame our actions and choices of something that has happened in our past. Gone are the days when it was somebody elses problem. This is the price of true independence and freedom! We learn that nobody or nothing controls us, unless we are willing to give up that power. That we have complete control over our responses and reactions, that everything that we do every minute of everyday is a choice! My god how much accountability and responsibility that places. However when there is awareness there is the possibility of growth and change. That is what we are here to do, learn!

Learning about love is what is most of our focal points, whether we would like to admit it or not! I know that is my biggest lesson, how to love, how to be loving to others and myself. How to approach all situation with openness, love and gentleness! Now that is something to live up to, and something that none of us are masters at! Though we continue to strive in anyway that we can.

I'm faced with big decisions and therefore consequences! What do we do when we allow external influences to knock us off balance, off centre? That is the true test of our character. Well I can tell you I haven't done a great job recently. I haven't allowed myself the time to process and get back to my centre before approaching certain situations and discussions. I have chosen to react and not respond. I have not allowed myself to feel ok about my emotions, I have picked up that stick and sometimes that sword, to beat myself with and cut others. What do we learn from these types of situations???? We learn about ourselves, and what we require to continue to express love and openness! What we need to be at our most centred so that life doesn't become overwhelming. That we are always in a good place to make decisions, and to identify when you aren't, and to take whatever you need to put yourself back there.

All work starts with us! Our own little universe that we are in, and people get glimpses of from moment to moment! We all have out barriers, secret gardens, fortresses, walls etc etc! When we know how they manifest, what enables us to seek refuge in there or behind them, then we can identify what we want to change so that doesn't happen. I know that I require freedom and the worst perpetrator who cages me, is myself. I set the clips on my wings so I can no longer fly. No longer can we play the blamey McBlamer game when we become aware.